i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
