I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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