I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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