I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
