So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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