I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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