So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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