That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
