I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
operation harelip BJ is a go
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
