last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
