are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
