life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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