I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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