he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
