hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
