Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
