Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
