Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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