Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
