At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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