I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
