she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
