My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
