Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
