I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
