her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
ok first of all what the fuck
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize