i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
