Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
