I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
