There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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