ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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