I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
