Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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