The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
