Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
