she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
