Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
