Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
