I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
