You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
