i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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