I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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