we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
