so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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