you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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