I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
