I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize