I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
