Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
