Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize