I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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