My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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