she was so not down for the gang bang
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
