I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
