I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
