with your own penis?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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