Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
