Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
