there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
