My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
