Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
