I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
