tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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