i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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