i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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