so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
