Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
