Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
