do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
