At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
