my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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