So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
