Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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