I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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