New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
