Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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