first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
