This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
