I could make wine with my vomit
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
