I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
