I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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