i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
