he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me I should be a condom model.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
