She's JV to your varsity
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
