she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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