I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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